Dear diary
by Raised with Fangs
Summary: Daddy hates me. Why don't you answer my calls mum? Oh, I'm slowly coming back to you, wait who is he? He's pulling away from you mummy. I don't want to go away from you! No, stop, no! I'm not too sure about the rating, so review!
1. Chapter 1

Dear diary 1. 13.9.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, today he was so sweet. He brought me flowers and took my hand. He was such a gentleman; he even opened his car door for me. He took me to a movie, it frightened me mum, but he held onto my hands and squeezed reassuringly when I squealed. Mum, people in the cinema laughed at me, but I didn't care. Mum, when he dropped me home he kissed me. I felt nothing, but he came back that night, he took me to a party, my first experience in this world. _

_Mum, I didn't like that party, it was too loud. People flew pass me at amazing speed. They were all underage drinkers, and someone grabbed my head. He didn't let go of me, even when I insisted he did. I couldn't see him, mum, but he was strong. The way his hand held my hair, so tight that I could feel the hair coming lose, it made my stomach knot and made my eyes water. _

_The boy yanked my head back, pulling hair out of my head and made me cry out, and he stuck something down my throat. The drink made me gag and choke but he insisted on pouring it down my throat without waiting for me to swallow. I thrashed and tried to scream, but every time I got close to screaming I would choke. My nose started bleeding but he didn't care. Mum, he was the worse; I had no right to trust him. He was drunk. People around us encouraged him; handing more bottles of the vile substance, and he gladly poured it down my throat. Mum, I started to itch; I became accurately aware that I was allergic to this drink. When I did inch my neck or elsewhere I began to bleed more. Blood poured from my neck where my nails dug into my skin. He dropped me to the ground, mum, laughing at me. When I started to shake and gurgle he didn't help me. He was spinning frantically around me. My blood pooled around his feet and he looked at it disgusted. People around me pointed and laughed at how much I couldn't handle. I was starting to lose myself. My tongue curled up and demanded to go down my throat but someone pushed through the crowd. _

_Mum, from what I could see, he was gorgeous. He had brown hair strayed around his masculine face. He had the prettiest green eyes I had ever seen. He was also the palest person I had ever seen. As you know mum, I had your blue eyes and brown hair, I had nothing of dads._

_The boy was strong and sad for me. He turned me to my side while yelling at the other people. He opened my mouth and stuck his finger on my tongue. It helped. He made sure I didn't swallow it and suffocate, but I was still shaking and thrashing. My blood ran all over the floor; people started to clear out. Every single one of them laughing at what he did to me. Not this man but the one I thought I could trust, the one that kissed me. Mum, this man was nice; he tried to hush me and held me while the ambulance came. I clutched onto this boy even though they had arrived. He was my only source of safety, I could only trust him. He had helped me and I wished not to leave him, mum. I think I was making another mistake, because he picked me up when I didn't give. He was cold. He carried me out to the ambulance, he placed me upon the bed with wheels and didn't let go. He soothed me with words I could not hear. _

_I felt a prick in my arm and everything went dark. I thought I was lost to the world mum, but I didn't see you. You never showed up and I was grief stricken, even in death I couldn't find you. I became aware of why you never showed up, and I wasn't sure if I was thankful._


	2. Chapter 2

Dear diary 2. 20.9.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, what would happen if things happened to you, but you had no idea, even when it was staring you in the face?_

_Mum, today was another day. I woke up of course. The boy was across from my face. He was sleeping so silently that I felt a need to hug him, but I stayed where I was. I was remotely aware that I was strapped down. I didn't like this. _

_I started thrashing and screaming, mum. I tried to at least. My wrists and legs were strapped down; I remember nothing except the party and before it. Nothing after it though. I was crying mum. They had me strapped down and he was going to hurt me again. He was going to come back for me mum, to finish the job. Just like you left me; because of daddy. The boy woke up at my screaming and trashing and his hand hit the red button behind me. He stayed a good distance away from me even though I could see that he wished to be right next to me. He was singing to himself, mum. It was depressing and he started crying. I didn't understand this._

_Mum, I didn't know why I was strapped down but my failing attempts at escaping slowed and my screaming became sobs, only then did I notice the woman standing next to me with the syringe. It was empty and her other hand rested on my head, keeping me down._

_Mum, the boy kept singing to himself, it was calming but I didn't like it. He seemed to be using it to calm himself down. He looked like he wanted to be sick. I was so numb now mum. I couldn't feel anything and my sobs broke to nothing. I glared accusingly at the nurse but she remained the same. Instead I placed my eyes on the boy, my eyes full of betrayal, he looked guilty but that's what I wanted. I began to fade out._


	3. Chapter 3

Dear diary 3. 26.9.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, Do you understand this?_

_ Mum, for day's they had me strapped down. My wrists began to take odd colours to them. I never succeeded to escape, but I had company every day. I wasn't sure if he ever left actually. He slept a lot here. He talked to me, I found out his name but I failed to remember it. I began to call him D. _

_I didn't struggle after my fifth day and the doctors took notice. They wrote down what I did and said, they even knew everything I ate and drank. They seemed to notice that I calm down a lot more when D was with me, so they had him with me permanently. I ate more regularly and the doctors were happy with me. They took away the straps and I was free to walk around, only within the room though. Mum, I was enjoying the company of D but he had only limited time. He had to look after his mum. I wished to look after you mum, but dad still remained at home. _

_I talked about a lot of things with D. He was good to talk to. I told him that I could only call him D because I was unable to pronounce his full name. He was fine with it. Mum, I think, I don't know what I think. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to think about D. It was strange, after all, the nurses talked about us all the time. They weren't even afraid to show it._

_I had a regular doctor who came to talk to me, D was always there. I talked mainly about the other man. I admitted everything of that day. The doctor was proud of me; I could never have told him that before. I guess I still wanted to believe the lie; that nothing had happened._

_Mum, Dad never visited me in hospital and the doctors got worried, but they paid no heed. They let me recover from the incident and let me go home two weeks later. I went home with D. He was happy to drive me. _

_Mum, I was afraid of what awaited me at home. Mum, this was the new start, the real stuff. This was my life._


	4. Chapter 4

Dear diary 4. 12.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, You left me in this world, but I want to be with you._

_Mum, after that day, the one when I arrived home with D, it all changed. Only, it changed very little. I made sure D had driven away before making my way inside but I wished I had stayed in the car. I regretted leaving D even though I had less choice in it then I did with what happened next. As soon as I walked in the door I tried to be quiet. I was hoping that dad was asleep. I wished he was, but as I knew, he wasn't. Mum, he was on the lounge, he was waiting for me. I didn't even try to get away; I simply walked into the room and waited. I didn't have to wait long before it started. He screamed at me, I tried to convince him to let me go. Of course, he didn't have any of that. I was crying, he was very, very angry. He didn't listen to any of my pleas and I eventually ended up on the ground, in my usual state. I was now bruised and bleeding. My face was puffy and purple, my chest hurt with sharp pains and my breathing came in gasps. I cried, I wished my saviour was here, but I knew he wasn't._

_Hours had passed before I pulled myself up from the ground. It hurt to do so but dad was gone and I didn't want to be in the same position when he came back, I also needed to clean the mess on the floor up before he noticed that I had been lazy. I made my way to the kitchen first; I pulled out the bottle of bleach and a nice sky blue bucket. I filled the bucket up with some bleach and warm water; grabbing a cloth and started scrubbing the polluted red floor. The mixture smelt nasty and made my eyes water but I finished the job before cleaning up the lounge room and kitchen. It took me longer to clean then I expected; what with all the mess that dad had left behind for me. _

_After that was finished I made my way to the bathroom I occupied as my own and cleaned myself up. Looking as presentable for bed as I could; I left the small room. My room looked the same as it was last month, before I had gone to that party. I slept unwell that night, mum._


	5. Chapter 5

Dear diary 5. 14.10.09

_Dear diary._

_You remember right mum?_

_I was always cheery, I used to love dressing in pretty colours and look nice. I used to talk to people all the time and have friends over when dad wasn't home for months, when we both used to sit in the lounge room with all my friends and scream at the TV. The key word; used to. I never did any more. _

_Mum, Dad constantly bashes me up, again. He blamed me for your death, though we both knew very well who had killed you. He was doing it to me mum, because you weren't there to take the punishment anymore. He never learnt his lesson; but he believed that I needed to learn a lesson. I went to school after that. I dressed plainly, all lack of colour, all shades and shadow. People stared at me funny, mum. I felt self-conscious. I wished you were there to help me. I didn't hide the bruises on my face, but I did look at the floor and ignore everybody's comments and suggestions for help. _

_Mum, my friends pitied me, they didn't understand, nobody did. I went through class tuned out to the world. I stared blankly into space and the whispering began. _

_Mum, at lunch, I was told that I couldn't sit with my friends, because I had become crazy and they didn't like me anymore. They didn't say it to my face but it still hurt. I didn't get any food, I made my way to the deserted toilets and slugged against the wall. The whispering spread. _


	6. Chapter 6

Dear diary 6. 19.10.09

Dear diary.

_I start to wonder why you never answer me, mum._

_Day's passed slowly, we were expecting a new student at school today. She would only reject me and go along with the rumours too. One rumour flew around the school quickly; it was one that emphasized the bruises on my face. Mum, it's funny; because they were close. Some person said that I had a boyfriend, then they added the bruises and now they believe I've been boyfriend abused. It's funny mum, because if they minus the boyfriend then they'd have the abuse; which was right. _

_Mum, the new kid was supposed to be in my class. I now sit alone, because I no longer talk, I don't listen, and I'm a disease. I stared out the window when someone entered. I heard the gasps of the girls and the rude grumbles of boys but I payed less attention towards the kid then I did to the falling leaves outside this particular window. I don't think the boy introduced himself; because he didn't, and because the teacher had no time to ask him to. I wondered why people glared at me even though I was their disease. I guess I found out when a familiar smell hit me, along with the silent humming vibrating through him. Mum, I became aware that I no longer sat upon a chair, as I no longer stood on this earth. Mum, I was panicking, I was being held by a bear. A very comfy bear._

_When he picked me up, all the rumours increased, but they instantly stopped when he wiped away my tears. People became confused. As class finished I began to make my way out with D. I was ambushed as soon as he left to collect his food from the small waiting line. Mum, my friends seemed to want to approach me now. They hated me; I could see it, but they pitied me, and they felt guilty. Good, they should. I ignored them all, mum. _

_ D was in all my classes, he sang in a lot of them because everyone asked. I was confused now. Why does he need to sing to them? They acted like he was famous. He was gorgeous, I'll give him that, but famous? No. I must say though, that even when I tuned everything out his voice seemed to run through my mind and erase everything else, even my name. I was an excellent singer once. I couldn't do it now because I had nothing to put into it. Do you remember mum, when I sang all the time for you? You used to love it, you tried to get me on stage but I was afraid. I regret that now, I wished I was able to give you something to take with you to heaven. I closed my eyes and for once in the last few months, I listened to a heart filled melody. Mum, I want to be a new me._


	7. Chapter 7

Dear diary 7. continued... 19.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, Do you think the moonlight talks?_

_I was driven home by D but I didn't enter the house, even when he watched me. Instead he had to watch me leave the place he dropped me off from. I thought he would come but he didn't. Mum, I ended up in the park. The one that you and I used to go to all the time, I loved that park, but now it has no meaning to me. It became worthless without you. I sat on the swing and kicked myself off from the ground. I swang higher, and higher, I thought that if I could get high enough I could wish away all the bad things in my life. Little did I know that it was everything in my life; everything was bad, everything needed to be wiped away. I closed my eyes against the world and held on tighter. I became aware that I had nothing to hold onto; I no longer existed on the swing. I had found the ground and that was where I lay and stared into the sky. It was now dark. A full moon shone in the sky, mum, it reminded me so much of you. I began to add something to the sky, I added water. I cried on the ground with my legs on the swing and the rest of my body facing darkness. _

_Someone chuckled from behind me and it was hard not to remember that voice. I pulled my legs of the swing. Mum, he thought I was funny! But I didn't know how, I was crying and he was laughing. I suddenly got it, I looked funny; I began to laugh with him. For the first time since you died mum, I laughed. It felt strange, but I needed strange. D sat next to me and he laid next to me, facing me instead of everywhere else. He smiled at me and mum, I swore my heart skipped a beat. He was too good for his own good. He was getting into some serious friend problems. _


	8. Chapter 8

Dear diary 8. Continued... 19.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, How did you feel when you met dad? Was it like this?_

_Dad wasn't home that night, and a small note told me he wasn't coming back for awhile. I laid down on the lounge and closed my eyes. Emotions galore ran through me. I couldn't understand it, but I had a feeling that those feelings separated themselves from the world and located on the one subject. Mum, we both knew who the subject was. It wasn't right for me to be thinking about him, but I did. I thought about our first encounter, it wasn't exactly romantic, but I liked to think that he was my knight in shining armour, my prince, my superman. Mum, I knew this was wrong. I want to ask you things, but you never answer me. It makes me sad that I can't see you. I cry every night._

_Mum, I need your help. I think; I don't want to think, because it cause problems, and I had enough problems. Mum, but if you can help, somehow, I want to ask you to do something. It's just that I don't know what it is that I want you to do. I don't understand this. My heart throbs and I scream and cry. You never answer me! If you understood you would answer me, because right now, I need you! D doesn't understand, and I'm not sure if I want him to. How can I tell him that he makes me feel strange, he may take it the wrong way, then I'll have no one. I want to sing, on the school stage, in front of an audience, I want to do that for you. So I'm going to make a list of things to achieve._


	9. Chapter 9

Dear diary 9. 21.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, What do you think?_

_Sing for mum.__Sort out my throbbing heart and emotions.__See what D's doing tonight.__Make myself new and try to be happy.__Choose a new outfit, with colours and put on a smile for everybody to see.__See what D's doing in the morning.__Write to you mum.__Get myself an audition for next week and sing my heart out.__Confess whatever I think to D.__Kill myself._


	10. Chapter 10

Dear diary 10. 28.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, I'm not sure anymore._

_Mum, I thought it was well worked out. I was actually hoping to have the last one come first. It's the main achievement I'm going to get to. It sounds good to me mum, because I'll get to see you. I'll be really happy with you, won't I?_

_Something told me that I'd be really sad with you then here, but I ignored that and went with my instincts. I know its ridiculous mum, but I fell asleep on the lounge, again; thinking about what to do. He hurt me badly, not D but him. I didn't want to say his name ever again, he will now be known as X. Because that was what he was, my ex. I hate X with all my being. I never felt anything with him anyway. His kiss didn't satisfy me, he wasn't worth the effort. That was what I told myself, but when I arrived at school we were the gossip. Word had spread about the party. _

_Mum, I didn't want to go to school now, because people bombarded me with questions. I saw X at school, he was smirking at me. Everything my friends told me was lie; he had spread lies throughout the school. Not only was I now the disease, but I was the two timing disease. D came to me when I cried. I was in the deserted girl's bathroom and he walked straight in and right next to me. He sat next to me and I cried into his chest. I know now mum, why I am reluctant to kill myself. I'm starting to believe there was a reason for me to live; he was sitting right next to me. I had to know though, and I asked him what he felt._

_He confessed mum, he made me cry harder, although he never left me._


	11. Chapter 11

Dear diary 11. Continued... 28.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, is the sun shining or what?_

_I believe the answer was 'or what', because when I left the building I was alone. It was getting darker and D was getting his books from the locker. I silently walked out towards his black car. I didn't get there mum, because I was yanked back. I was pulled around the corner of the building and thrown to the ground. I was going to get up, mum, I really was, but I was held down when someone sat on top of me. X held me down before kissing me, hard. He was hurting me mum. I didn't love him, I think, I should not think, but I think I loved D. _

_X took out a pocket knife and I thought he was going to stab me but he didn't. He ripped the front of my dress open, I was almost exposed and I hated it. I thrashed but he held onto me good and tightly. I tried to scream but his hand clamped down on my mouth. He kissed my neck and bit me many times. I was crying yet again. Mum, why was he doing this to me? I tried to stop him, I tried with everything I had, every part of me but I was too late. He had succeeded in exposing me. He was more than my enemy now mum, he was my; everything bad. My enemy, my hate, my villain. I was hurting and I was crying, sobbing and thrashing. He didn't stop touching me and his hand on my mouth was only replaced by his lips. I tried to scream around them but he hit me. It took a blow on me, probably leaving a red hand mark on my face. I had momentarily gotten my mouth free and I threw all my bad vocabulary at him. He just grabbed my mouth again and didn't stop. Someone had heard me mum, he stood behind X and he looked very, very angry. He marched up to X and grabbed the back of his jacket before slamming his fist into X's shocked face. I tried to cover myself up but the dress was torn. I rolled on my side and curled up into a ball and cried. D picked me up and carried me to his car. At least D came in time before more happened, mum, otherwise I don't know what he would have done, but I was pretty sure I knew._


	12. Chapter 12

Dear diary 12. Continued... 28.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, how did I get here?_

_D didn't take me home, after I told him I was going to be alone. When I mentioned my dad, the venom in my voice must have set him off, because he said that I was never going back. Mum, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but I did it anyway. D and D's parents agreed to some things and they had me write a letter explaining to my dad that I was never coming back to him. They asked me if this was okay to do, okay for me to do, they'd sort out the rest, I agreed, and they took my house keys. D's two brothers and his sister took off to my house and packed everything of my little things up. _

_Mum, when I arrived at D's house I was astonished. It was huge. House seemed like an understatement, it was a mansion. I wasn't allowed to walk; I had to be carried inside. Of course, that was an overstatement. I wanted to walk but D insisted. I must admit, mum, that I liked being in D's arms. He was cold but he was safe. D's parents obviously freaked when he walked into the kitchen with me, they fluttered around me until D's dad decided that he should take me. D seemed a little overwhelmed with everything. Questions were thrown at me, mum; I wouldn't be surprised if they came at me in cards. D's dad was cold too and safe, but he left something out that needed to be discovered. I was looked over by their personal nurse and she said I was fine. She walked to the door with D's parents where she thought I couldn't hear. She said I was in depression. Mum, I guess that was true. I clanged to D and his parents couldn't separate us. They decided that I wasn't allowed to be alone, and to my complete embarrassment, they put me in the same room as D. _

_I sat down on his bed; that must seem to be both ours now, and talked to him. I had to confess about this arrangement, mum, he laughed at me. I smiled at him and he stopped, this was the first time I actually smiled at him, not cried, not laughed, not frowned or become depressed, I smiled warmly. I found out that D was half way through his eighteenth year. I was seventeen and only just started. There was a small gap but it meant nothing. Mum, my list was going astray. _


	13. Chapter 13

Dear diary 13. 29.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, Can you see me now?_

_D's brothers and sister came back later with all my things. D's wardrobe was the size of three of my old rooms. There was definitely plenty of room for all my stuff. D had moved all his things to one side and mine went on the other side. Mum, I wasn't sure if I should be doing this, acting like nothing was wrong. Although it felt good, it felt right. _

_When it came to the bedding arrangements I became very, very shy, mum. Now, this, I wasn't sure about at all. What do I do mum? D's in the bed and waiting for me, but I'm standing at the end, biting my lip and twitching. I couldn't even look at him; my eyes were glued to the floor. I was as ripe as a tomato and as nervous as a cherry. I wasn't even doing anything; we weren't doing anything but sleeping in the same bed. Mum, what do I do? _

_Mum, you didn't answer me in time because I was already on the bed; just it wasn't me who had moved. D had pulled me on the bed before I could even notice. I was already under the covers and on my side while D was Stroking my hair and smiling. I believe I blushed ten shades darker then the shade I already was. I couldn't help but lean into his touch. He noticed that I had moved closer to him because he pulled me the rest of the way. Mum, he asked me the stupidest question. He asked me if I loved him. I didn't even think about it, I automatically said yes. It was true mum; I did love him, with all my heart. He was making me fill. He was making my heart solid once again. I didn't want to think about what he did next; I was afraid that it would hurt me down the track, but I let him do it anyway._

_His hands twisted in my hair and he brought my head closer to his, before filling the gap. His lips moved against mine and I reacted quickly. My hands made vines in his hair and I pressed him harder against me. It ended quickly mum, too quickly. I slept well that night. _


	14. Chapter 14

Dear diary 14. 30.10.09

_Dear diary._

_Mum, I need to stop day dreaming._

_I woke in the early morning, around three o'clock. I was alone and I felt empty. I didn't like being in such a big room without the owner of that pacific room, here. Mum, I was getting thirsty and I hadn't taken that medicine the nurse gave me yet. I decided to leave the pills where they were and go get a glass of something to drink. The kitchen wasn't that hard to find. When I made my way pass the open doors of Damien and Josh's rooms (D's brothers) they weren't anywhere to be seen. I ignored the gut feeling I was getting and rubbed my eye. I came in view of the room just as I yawned. _

_Mum, it was strange; I thought I was day dreaming. When I entered the kitchen the whole family were crowded around a huge rectangular table that could hold fifty. They all had a large glass in their hands; it looked and smelt like blood. Temptation hit me mum; I thought we got over the control part? Mum, well, I guess I can control myself , I guess I inherited that from you, but I really wanted to go over there, snatch the glasses from each of them and gurgle it down my throat. The smell was all in my mind, I told myself. What made it worse was the fact that I had smelt it five rooms before the kitchen. Actually, it might have been what woke me up. _

_Mum, I was positive that I was day dreaming. If I really wasn't, I would have already been over there and swallowing the lot of that sweet substance. Mum, I need your help, it's too tempting, and I really can't get control. I think you were with me this time, because I managed to walk over to the refrigerator and grab a bottle of something before storming out of the room. _

_Mum, the family looked so shocked at my approach, D was horror struck. I didn't blame him; I probably looked like I wanted to rip their throats out. It probably crossed my mind at one stage. When I got to mine and D's room, I let out the strangled breath I was holding. It hit me, mum, and it hit me hard when I opened the bottle. It was blood. I sucked in a shocked breath before the bottle was yanked from my grip. D had the bottle and was walking away from me. He hurt me when he walked away, it hurt me a lot. I gripped the bed covers and focused my attention to the patterns. I wanted the blood mum, and I wanted it badly. _

_D started mumbling stuff about him, how he was sorry and it confused me. He asked me if I was sensitive to blood and that caught me off guard. I told him I wasn't sensitive to it as much as appealed to it. He looked really shocked, obviously repeating what I had said. After a quick thought he handed the bottle back to me and I took it. He watched me as I unscrewed the lid and when the scent hit me. I slowly brought it to my lips and took a sip. D sat next to me and watched me silently. I was starting to feel really self-conscious. D suddenly came out with something that made me laugh, also spilling the blood down my throat. I had no time to react, because mum, I think that was his plan, because he leaned down to my level and sucked the blood off me. I completely froze. It wasn't from fear, it was shock. D gripped my arm, trying to get a reaction, and mum, he got one. I started breathing heavily and D smirked. He removed himself before kissing me, the bloodied taste entering both our mouths. _


	15. Chapter 15

Dear dairy 15. Continued... 30.10.09

_Dear dairy._

_Mum, romance is insignificant when you have a soul mate._

_His kiss, mum, it made my heart race and my body shiver. I had never felt anything like this. Never. I wished; I wished that you were around to see this, mum, because I know what you were like. You'd have a wedding dress picked out already, and I'd be down an aisle faster than someone can say 'I object'. Of course, I'd be the one saying 'I object' because it's too soon, but if D agreed then I would agree too. Mum, I hadn't noticed, but D did. He noticed the crystal drops running down my cheeks and onto him. He pulled away from my lips to stare at me. I gripped his arms, and doubled over, crying into his chest. He was obviously confused, but he sang to me, soothingly. His arms wrapped around me as he held me tighter. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his shoulders.  
I realized then that he made me believe I might actually have a life to live. Might, of course mum, because I'm not sure if I'll be broken after this.  
But for now, I'll allow it. You watch me mum, the auditions will come and I'll shine. I'll be happy for a little while, then I'll be happy forever. You watch me mum. Because it's all for you._


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay, I'll make you a deal. If I can get at least five reviews for this chapter, than I'll begin a Dear diary in D's point of view. Meaning, you'll learn what he loves and what he fears, oh, and his name! So read and review and when I'm satisfied, I'll begin! Deal?**

* * *

Dear diary 16. 6.11.09

_Dear diary. _

_Hey mum, I almost choked today._

_You know, when you eat a banana, you gobble the lot without really thinking about chewing? I did that. Accept, with one little other detail. Josh walked into the kitchen in only his boxes. And you know, I didn't really care about that, but the site was hilarious. I choked by trying to stifle a giggle.  
Do you want to know why? D's brothers boxer shorts held mini bears hugging huge love hearts._

_It felt funny to laugh, but I did. Josh's attention turned on me quickly, and noticing that he wasn't wearing his basic jeans, he blushed and said that his momma bought them for him over Christmas. I said 'sure sure', and laughed outwardly. I didn't think I could laugh so much, mum, but maybe it's a good thing. For once I felt like myself, like a new person. Aren't you proud? Send a warming hug to grandma for me please? Tell grandpa that I don't think I'll be joining him for his nightly hot chocolate. I don't want to leave yet mum, but you'll do fine without me right? _

_It won't be forever, okay? I'm started to become happy now, and when I die, I want to be happy with you. Like they say, the best way you can die is by your own and for your own. What's the use of going to a happy place where you wouldn't be happy? I might be scarred forever mum, but I can be repaired. _


End file.
